The Pastor’s Acorns

Father Dominic had a problem.

For weeks, squirrels had been invading St. Cecilia’s Catholic Church.
They were leaving acorns everywhere. In the holy water, across the pews, even overflowing from the offering baskets.

But then things escalated.

Each morning, Father Dominic arrived to find chewed-up hymnals, claw marks on the confessional door, and squirrels making their beds in the rafters. One even popped out of the baptismal font mid-Mass and gave the organist a minor heart attack.

He tried everything.
He prayed.
He sprayed.
He bought fancy ultrasonic repellers. The squirrels didn’t care.
He tried reasoning with them: “This is a house of God, not a woodland Airbnb!” But they clearly weren’t the theological type.
He even left out bowls of unconsecrated communion wafers, hoping they’d fill up and leave.
No luck. They kept coming back—week after week.
Relentless. Devoted, even.

So, Father Dominic turned to his fellow priests at the diocesan luncheon.

“I’ve got squirrels in the church,” he said. “And not the metaphorical kind. Real ones. And they are faithful.”

Father Thomas said, “Same here. I brought in an exterminator. They came back with friends.”

Father John said, “We trapped ours and drove them twenty miles out of town.”
Father Dominic nodded. “Did it work?”
“They beat us back to the parking lot.”

Father Michael said, “I tried incense and the Gregorian chant. Just made them more contemplative.”

Father Phil chimed in, “We tried blessing them. Thought maybe they’d behave. They didn’t. Instead one joined the choir.”

Then Father Raymond, sipping his coffee quietly, leaned in and said,
“Boys, you’re doing it wrong.”

“We are?” they asked.

He nodded.

“I baptized them. Confirmed them. Gave them their first communion.”

The table went silent.

Father Dominic blinked. “…And that worked?”

Father Raymond grinned.
“Haven’t seen them since. Now that they’re Catholic, they only show up on Christmas and Easter.”

What’s faith without a little laugh? Stay lighthearted when you can and hold on to the humor God gives us. 

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter surrounded by family, friends, and maybe even a few furry blessings—dogs, cats, bunnies, squirrels, or whatever creatures the Lord has placed in your life. 🐾🌸